(If my title makes you want to listen to that song, here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDK9QqIzhwk)
"You can trust no one."
This was one of the first things my incredible housemate, Paulette, told me as she was teaching me to live in India. Logically, this makes perfect sense. (If you've ever been to India, you know this is incredibly important to learn early.) However, despite it being logical, it gets both exhausting and depressing. I just don't really do exhausted or depressed very well. Living for the last six months only being able to form relationships just long enough to create friendship and trust before moving on has been hard... As hard as it can be when put into context of the incredible experience I've been given. It's probably good for me-- it has been a good kick for me to grow up a bit more, become more self reliant and less focused on me (I say while literally writing a blog about myself...)
However, I've started to notice a trend in my newfound skills-- the Bristol is preparing me for the scary world of online dating.* As a 23 year old, single, soon to be graduate student (yay! that's happening, more details to come), who'd ideally like to eventually marry and have children, this is a very good thing. Half of my siblings found a life partner doing it and .500 is a hell of a batting average. (Ironically, the other half found each other via TFA which I left to take this Fellowship.)
Here's how:
The Bio: I introduce myself to an incredible number of people each day, both via the Internet, and via face to face contact. I have a short spiel that I have perfected and tailored to each country as I go. (Ex. In Taiwan the word "school" should be emphasized, in India the word "government" made everyone much more helpful.) I don't think I'll write a similar spiel when it comes to dating, however, I do think that my ability to communicate information about myself while trying to appeal to a particular audience will be improved.
The Picture: I have some photos of "cool things" I've done in the last few years. However, something tells me photos of me traveling the world probably would make me appear more intriguing than photos of me after being awake for way too long, standing in my art studio, proudly clutching my policy thesis.
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| Pure Joy |
The Questions: For compatibility matches, most websites have you answer a series of questions. In India especially I've gotten my share of answering questions. "Can I have a picture?" (No thank you.) "Why are you so aggressive?" (Sir, you are literally following me down the street yelling at me.) "What country is suffered without your presence?" (America, and points for unique phrasing.) "Are you married?" (Depends who's asking.) "Do you find Indian men beautiful?" (Also depends, unless they are under 3 years of age and then the answer is a resounding yes.)
The First Date: Even in my relatively few years of dating experience I've already had multiple awkward first dates. My best story involves the guy taking me to a salsa dance lesson. Since I was one of the few girls at this lesson (weird, I know) I actually danced with my date for about 10 minutes in the two hours we were there. Ask me about it later, it's a great story. However, it's not one I generally could bring up on a new awkward first date, when we can't think of anything to talk about. Unfortunately, this is basically the only time I think about it. I'll now have tales of my adventures to tell. My date can now enjoy the story of me walking for hours down a sloped median in Australia because I was disgusted by the price of the bus. They can listen as I tell them about being rescued by a Malaysian family on motorbikes after I was kicked off a bus. I can tell them about the bus of Taiwanese college students entertaining themselves for hours singing Chinese karaoke. Finally, I'll recount the trauma and excitement of indian bus travel. Basically, from now on out, my dates, my family and my friends will have to hear me talk about buses. A lot. Luckily, I think these are all good stories so should be entertaining, at least the first time. Thus, for the first date, I'm set. Plus, now I can now maintain a steady conversation with basically anyone regardless of meaningless barriers such as having things in common, language, or interest level.
For Any Future Relationship in General: After 6 months I have a much better sense of who I am. I've identified some things I certainly want to change about myself, but have also nicely identified some things that I'm quite happy about. One of these is the realization I can be fulfilled and happy alone. This is not to say I would enjoy the life of a hermit (except perhaps in India), but I know I don't need someone else to be happy. My siblings are providing me with niecphews at a wonderfully alarming rate, I'd save an incredible amount on college educations, I can still see the world, and I make myself laugh much more frequently than I make anyone else (except for my mother, and for this I am truly grateful.) Many things I thought would be "awkward" or "weird" doing alone, no longer are.
Hmmm... maybe I won't have to suffer through online dating after all. But if I do, I'll be prepared.
All my love from Cape Town.
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